Dear Ashley,

I found our old grade 9 science project. You know the one with Sabrina and George? We did it on the “Australopithicous Anamensis”. We had a lot of fun doing that project, didn't we? I miss you so much. You have no idea. Words seem to fail me every time I try writing this. And I saw that stupid project and they all came to me.

You'll never see this, I know that. You don't care anymore. I also know that. That doesn't stop me from thinking about you. Or starting to text you and deleting it seconds later. Or crying my eyes out because I wish I still had you in my life. Maybe if you were still here, things would be easier. I wouldn't have to face them alone.

It used to be me, you and Jesska against the world. No matter what, we overcame it. We were ALWAYS there for each other... So what happened? I refuse to accept that we grew apart because it is not true. We grew together through high school and put up with all the bullshit TOGETHER. But how could you just stop caring? How could a person so deeply rooted into my life just...disappear?

I wish I had the guts to show this to you. I wish you could feel the pain I feel. See my tears. Hear my sobs. Maybe then you'd understand.

I regret a lot. I wonder almost every day...had I tried harder to make things work, would we still be friends? Every bone in my body wishes the answer was yes. I feel like our friendship is no longer salvageable. I have lost all the fight in me... I just can't anymore. Maybe if you were to try...then that would be something. But no part of me has the will or the strength anymore to be rejected by you. I did that for 3 months. I guess I'm done.

Your former best friend,

Mander.