Broken

I started talking to Connor again. That was such a mistake. He's clearly not over me... I tried being a friend. I tried... so hard to ignore the warning signs my heart was giving me. I was doing it for him. I was trying to be better.
I hate myself.
I hurt him and I shouldn't have. I should never have gotten involved with him in the first place.
I cut myself 13 days ago. I've never done something like that before, but I've never felt so broken in my life. I've never felt so unloved. It's an awful feeling.. I hate it so much. I don't want to do it again, but sometimes I look at it there on my dresser and I want to. I've come close too many times. I can't do it again. I can't. I can't let myself be broken. I have to be strong.
How can I be strong when no one loves me? When no one will be there to catch me when I fall?
Patrick wanted to hang out yesterday at school, but I didn't want to go in cause I hurt my knee and it hurt to walk. I went anyways cause it was Patrick... and he stood me up. I don't think I've cried that much ...ever. I almost cut yesterday. But I didn't. I came so close...
I feel like I need to save myself from..me. But I don't know how...

Peace&Love